Worst Jokes Ever

I gave a blind man a gun and told him it was a hair dryer.

Friend: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

Friend: Your life.

Me: Ahhh, I wish!

*jumps off building*

Humans and sharks have something in common: the great ones are always white.

The sun is out, and the pedo vans are out.

Parents, keep your kids away from ice cream vans. Once they hear the sound, you'll never see your kids again!

What's the motto for a pizza place that's also an abortion clinic: Your loss is our sauce.

I walked to the milk store and did not see my dad.

Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.

A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...

Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???

Child: Both.

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

Why can't you go home tonight? Because you haven't got a home, it's moved.

What do you call a Scottish Muslim with drug problems?

(Said in a Scottish accent) "Amaffmaheed."

Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite, and if they do, hit them with a shoe till they're all black and blue!

My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.

So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.

When you hide in the girl's bathroom so the school shooter won't go in there: 😃

When you notice that the school shooter is female: 😟

Yo mama is so old, I told her to act her age, and she died.

Yo mama is so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

What has 8 heads and no legs? A monster.

What did I do with the internet?

Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.

I just wanted to write something random.

And now my wife is dead.

(Non-edgy joke.)