What’s the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is fun to smash and one is a watermelon.
Worst Jokes Ever
There was a man. He took a right. He took another right. He took a last right. Why did he stop?
What is it called when young sheep bet?
LAMbling.
(haven't uploaded yesterday cuz couldn't think of a joke)
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).
What do you call a train that stalls?
The little engine that couldn't!
A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.
For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.
Why do orphans have dry cereal?
Because they're still waiting on the milk.
Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."
Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"
Guy: "Yup"
Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"
Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"
Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.
He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.
We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)
How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar?
Because they both have eyes.
Riddles not jokes.
What has 4 legs but cannot walk?
What has bark but no bite?
There's a one-story house in which everything is orange. Orange walls, orange doors, orange furniture. What color are the stairs?
What has holes but can carry water?
What is in front of you, but cannot be seen?
What is something you have inside you that is pink, but cannot be seen?
What can you catch but not throw?
And last one:
What can rule, but not command?
Tell me the answers in the comments.
Like 90% of this was from this link: https://parade.com/947956/parade/riddles/
One more thing: Don't google it or search it up, use your brain to answer these.
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
My kid had an accident.
Papyrus: I hate you, Frisk.
Frisk: This is why Mettaton doesn't fucking love you.
Sans: Kid, I will kill you.
Papyrus: (Remembers something) That's why you don't have a lover, you lonely giraffe!
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
What cow can part water? Mooses.
Q: Why did the fly go to the hospital?
A: For the doctor to make it get "butter!"
My friend committed suicide yesterday... At least he went out with a bang.
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
Free delivery.
Danny Devito looks like one of those men with a short, yet thick penis.
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.