Worst Jokes Ever
If my phone battery lasted as long as my relationship, I would never be able to play on my phone.
I remember the time Gordon Ramsay did an African food episode... too bad it was so short he couldn’t find any.
I remember the time that Gordon Ramsay did an African food episode... it was a short episode. Too bad he couldn’t find any.
What do you call a man with no hands? Clapless.
Green beans, potato salad with the one that was in the fridge for me.
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
Me: You know what's the favorite slogan that Hindus like the most?
My friend: What?
Me: “kati supari kata paan katiyo ko bhejo pakistan.”
One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.
If you punch an orphan, they can't do anything; they can't tell their parents.
What did the traffic light say to the truck?
"Don't look, I'm about to change!"
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common?
Once they're gone, they never come back.
I don't trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive.
"Peado van, peado van, stay away, peado van, peado van, take her away."
I can't afford food, I can't afford childcare, might as well just get the money out of her.
What is black, white, and red all over?
A sunburnt zebra.
A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend asks, "Where is your girlfriend?"
The guy replies, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week, and you'll find out!"
Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.
Why can’t Asian people play baseball?
Why?
'Cause they ate the bat!
I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.
Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was and pointed to me. I pushed him out of the car, and my other boyfriend took the front seat.
Doin (DYM 41).
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I call him a hypocrite and unplug his life support. 😄😆🔥👍