Worst Jokes Ever

Latest news: a new planet has appeared close to Uranus.

Why did the squirrel swim on its back?

To keep its nuts dry.

Captain of the Titanic: “Where’s all that f***ing water coming from?”

How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?

Go to the junkyard.

What motorway lane does Stephen Hawking use?

Hard shoulder.

I found a child on the street homeless, and they were really nice, so I took them home. Then I said, "Who's better, Biden or Trump?" They said they support Trump. They are now dead in my basement and have been for 3 years.

What do you call a fat woman that prays?

A holy cow.

Hi dude!

So Steven Hawking walks into a bar...

Just kidding!

Why can’t orphans have sex? Because they have no one to call DADDY! 😩

Where did your dad go? Because I saw him at the milk shop. Oh wait, there isn't one.

Why do orphans prefer the monarchy?

Because they could feel the warm[th] of the royal family.

So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”

What does an orphan call a family picture?

Answer: a selfie.

What's an orphan's favorite game?

GTA, because they're actually wanted? Lol.

Someone asks a question: Who? Who asked? Boom, you"re done xxx.

If I was a poo, I’d be the one that gets stuck to the bottom of the shitter when no one wants ya xox.

If Stephen Hawking gets a heart attack, where do you go, the hospital or Curry's PC World?

A German soldier was walking down the street in a hail storm and a woman got hit unconscious. He ran over to see if she was ok. Other people came running over. They asked what happened, and the German soldier said, "Hail hit her."

My friend walked down the street and peed on a car.