Worst Jokes Ever

An old lady was low on money because she had spent all of her money on clothes.

So she decided to go to the bank. She walked up to the guy at the desk. She asked if he could check her balance. He asked a few questions to the old lady, like her weight and her height. He asked her if she had done any exercise recently. She was very confused. She got angry and asked the man again to check her balance. So he stood up, walked next to her and pushed her over. He came to the conclusion that she had a low balance.

Why can Chinese people play baseball?

Because they ate the bat.

Orphans are human, too! They just don't know who their parents are or where! I know four sisters named Mariah, Kariah, Lariah, and Iariah and they said they are orphans, too! And they are sad and they don't like your jokes!

Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards.

UHH, DADDY!

Did you know that Uranus is as big as the moon?

So um uh I like people who like people who like people.

I see, you guys jokers are SANS-ational!

"Hello, this is your captain speaking. We are flying at a level of 89 feet. If you look out of your window on the left, you will see the World Trade Center."

Enough of the jokes. It's time Togo back home. (hah, I wanna cry.)

One day in class, little Johnny was mucking around, not listening to the teacher. After 5 minutes, the teacher caught him, finished what she was saying, and said, "Little Johnny, if you weren’t listening, what was the last thing I said?" And little Johnny replied back, "You said, 'What was the last thing I said?'"

Did you know Helen had a playhouse in her backyard? Neither did she!

Roses are red.

I have free candy. Get in my van. I have free candy!

Fishermen are the best at networking.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? 327.

Why am I so fat? When I was younger my mother said I should be the bigger person.

What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?

I don't know, I'm just the drone pilot.

What do a gynecologist and deaf people have in common? They both read lips.

Have you ever had a friend who masturbated many times? I had one who did a lot, but he had no imagination... when he masturbated, he imagines his hand.

What does a kid say to an orphan, "Where are your parents?"\n\n"I don’t have parents. Where are yours? Are you an orphan like me? I hope not!"