I am a failure to everyone and decided to attempt a suicide, guess what? I failed.
Worst Jokes Ever
There's something on your chin. No, not that one, the third row.
Why did you always see Michael Jackson wearing two white gloves?
Because masturbation is against Michael Jackson's religious beliefs.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
When midgets smoke weed, do they get high or do they get medium?
Roses are red, Violets are red, Sunflowers are red,
HOLY SHIT, MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!
Hey, you have something on your chin, no the 3rd one down.
If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents.
Don't say your life is a joke because jokes have meaning.
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”
how do you fit 4 gay guys on a stool?
you flip it over.
Your mom's so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices!
China should be a baseball team because they can take out the whole world with just a bat.
Why can't Indians play football? Because every time they take a corner, they make a shop.
Yo mama so ugly she made happy meals cry.
Why can't Chinese play baseball?
Because they eat the bats.
One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,
"What part of the dog did you get?"
When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.
Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."
What do magicians and prostitutes have in common?
Answer: disappearing acts.
