Worst Jokes Ever

Why did the old man win in a fight? Because he was stressed.

What's the difference between Nemo and my dad?

Nemo was eventually found.

How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."

If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.

(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)

Why do orphans live on the street?

They don't have parents to put a roof over their head.

People have houses, but I don't have a house because I don't have parents, said the orphan.

When Covid spreads through food, but you realized you live in Africa.

Why are dogs born with balls?

They were having their stick moment when they got given birth, too.

I once went up to an orphan and they were crying, and I asked where their parents are, and they started crying more.

One thing about disabled people is they never set foot in prison.

You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!

What is 3 feet tall and sits at the bottom of children's beds?

A: Garry Glitter's boots.

"Twins sitting in class."

Me: Casually throws a paper plane at them.

I was just fine being bisexual... Now I’m gender fluid... great...

Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.

Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”