Worst Jokes Ever
A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"
What type of fish goes best with peanut butter?
Jellyfish!
Me: A lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant.
Friend: Like what?
Me: My name, my address, my phone number...
Why do orphans like going to church?
They can actually call someone "father."
If per capita is an issue, decapita can be arranged.
I'm related to diarrhea; it runs in my jeans.
If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.
Yo mama so fat, the Egyptians modeled the pyramids based on her.
Why don't North Koreans like jazz music?
Because they don't have soul.
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
A golfer goes *whack* "darn" and a skydiver goes "darn" *whack.*
Sonic Boom in my ass.
Sonic says if you're ever born, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white woman. He chopped her up and put her in the woods, the suck fuck.
I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.
My boyfriend dumped me. Guess who came back crawling for his zimmer frame?
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
Why does Spiderman only have 11 months in his calendar?
Because he lost May!
What did the father name his daughter with no legs?
Peggy.