Worst Jokes Ever
A kid came to the orphanage with a dead fish. She was crying.
Why was the kid crying in the orphanage? Because someone came for the fish.
A woman was in the Twin Towers. She orders a pepperoni pizza but got a plane pizza.
My friend dumped me, so I stole their wheelchair.
Have a guess who came crawling back?
Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.
I made a website for orphans.
There’s no homepage.
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.
A guy told me, "Nothing rhymes with orange."
So I replied, "No, it doesn't."
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple has a family tree.
When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.
I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.
Guys, stop joking about 9/11. It's just plane wrong.
These two guys were texting each other.
Guy 1: How are you?
Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here. Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*
Guy 1: ???
Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)
Did you hear about that one guy who dipped his balls in paint?
My friend said they were “Pretty nuts!”
I lost my job at the bank. Some lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her.
Yo momma so fat, whenever she goes to the beach, the tide comes in!
Why did Sally fall off the swing? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop a broom? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.
Why did Sally go swimming? She didn't like not having arms.
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally, she hasn't come back yet.
Q: What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill?
A: A mud slide.
Why is England bad at chess?
'Cause they lost their queen.
What do you think would fall to the ground first, an emo kid or a leaf?
The leaf. The rope would stop the emo kid.
Waluigi gets his Walu-weenie stuck in a vending machine!