Worst Jokes Ever
Breaking news (2020): Depressed pigeon misses shitting on people.
9/11 called for help. What did that get? Nothing.
When a stranger keeps telling kids to kill themselves AKA the Stigg.
What would happen if a dam broke when you are on it?
You would be dam unlucky.
Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty was an egg?
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Jessica, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”
Patient: “OK.”
Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife!”
Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.
When your brother sends you to go get a box of condoms for his b-day. (* *)
What do you call an idiot who needs to get a life?
The Stigg.
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.
One day, a kid walks up to their mom and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a daisy landed on your head." The second kid asks, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom's reply is, "Because when you were born, a butterfly landed on your head." Then you hear, "Ooooooooohahbfisbfsdkf."
"Shut up, Brick!"
One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"
Why couldn't an orphan play baseball?
He couldn't find home plate.
Why did your emo mom get you?
To have someone to hang out with.
What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?
Gen Z is most likely going to be the last generation who felt the pain of getting up early to catch their favorite show.
TEST QUESTION: what looks like half an apple?
My cousin: the other half.
Signs my cousin is going places when he's older:
TEST QUESTION: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
He wrote: "At the bottom of the page."
Smart kid!
Why don't orphans drink milk?
'Cause their parents have not came back with it yet.