I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Worst Jokes Ever
What's that Pokemon that evolves into macargo?
Slugma.
Slugma dick.
What's Osama bin Laden's favorite song?
"Under the Sea!" (The Little Mermaid)
What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.
What's the difference between your dad and a boomerang?
The boomerang comes back.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a thrill with pills. Jack came down, fuck a clown, and the cum made them frown.
What did the Chinese girl say when she had a white baby?
"Sum Ting Wong."
A priest and a rabbi were hanging out at a playground. The priest waves to a kid to come over and tells the rabbi, "Let's screw this kid."
The rabbi looks confused and asks, "Out of what?"
What does Joe Biden call a room full of kids? A toy room.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?
Because they have already lost their towers.
What's the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Your hairline is so far back even The Rock Johnson couldn't find it.
Why can't orphans be gay?
'Cause they have no one to call "daddy."
When you realize you forgot to mop your room, you hear footsteps.
Yeah, Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad, I know, yeah, I'm sad, I know, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah.
I gave her everything. She took my heart and left me lonely. I think broken heart's contagious. I won't fix, I'd rather weep. I'm lost then I'm found. But it's torture bein' in love. I love when you're around. But I f**kin' hate when you leave. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah.
Helen Keller walked into a bar, a chair, and a table.
What in the world jumps the highest? Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.
A guy and his girl just finished making love.
Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"
The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"
Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find home.
