Why do white people own so many pets?
'Cause they can't own people anymore.
I'm not saying I'm ugly...
But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.
My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot I have ever seen, though.
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?!”
I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet!”, and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person, he didn't hear the joke.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling back? Sadly, the hardest part to eat of the vegetable is the wheelchair.
My favorite novel is "The Hunchback of Notre Dame".
I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.
Why do orphans like pedos? Because it's someone that loves them and they can call "daddy."
I'd like to have kids one day.
I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
There’s a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.
What is the difference between men and women?
Men have 2 heads, women have 4 lips because men do all the thinking, and women do all the talking.
What takes 10 parking spaces? Five women.
Why are life and a penis alike?
Women make both of them hard.
Q: What do you call a girl walking down a street?
A: Lost, she's supposed to be in the kitchen.