Worst Jokes Ever
*on a date*
me - "I get to work with animals all day."
her - "How sweet! What do you do?"
me - "I'm a butcher."
Dark humor is a lot like food.
Not everyone gets it.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!
That's the best I've done so far.
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
Same time next month?
What do you call a skeleton with no friends? Bonely.
What do a pedophile and a clock have in common? Neither of them go past 12.
Yo mama is so skinny, she uses floss as toilet paper.
Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?
It's an ARMadillo.
What is a penguin without a pen? A guin...
Yo mama is so stupid, she shoved two double A batteries up her butt and said, “I’ve got the power!”
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉
Why can't two Chinese people have a white baby? Because "two wongs don't make a white."
So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?
And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.
This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"
"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!
What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have a gun,
GET IN THE VAN!!
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?
Dave: No.
Jason: Well, he hit his first target.