Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a retard in a house fire?
Flame Retardant.
Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?
A: The ins and outs of child rearing.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
They can never make it home.
A drunk walks into a bar and says, "All lawyers are assholes!" A guy at the other end of the bar says, "I resent that!" The drunk says, "Why, are you a lawyer?" and the other guy says, "No, I'm an asshole!"
What is worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that? The one at the bottom is still alive.
What is worse still? It has to eat its way out.
What's worse than that? It went back for seconds.
Q: Where do you find a quadriplegic?
A: Right where you left 'em.
What pool never runs dry?
The one on the Titanic.
*on a date*
me - "I get to work with animals all day."
her - "How sweet! What do you do?"
me - "I'm a butcher."
Dark humor is a lot like food.
Not everyone gets it.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!
That's the best I've done so far.
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
Same time next month?
What do you call a skeleton with no friends? Bonely.
What do a pedophile and a clock have in common? Neither of them go past 12.
Yo mama is so skinny, she uses floss as toilet paper.
Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?
It's an ARMadillo.
What is a penguin without a pen? A guin...
Yo mama is so stupid, she shoved two double A batteries up her butt and said, “I’ve got the power!”
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.