Worst Jokes Ever

What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts.

I would name my daughter Awesome so I can tell people that I'm fucking awesome.

Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.

Having sex while camping is fucking in tents (intense).

I like my women like I like my wine, twelve years old, in the basement, and locked up.

Have you heard the joke about the sheep, drum, and snake?

"Baa" "dumm" "tsss"

How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?

They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment...

Man, abortion jokes just don't get old, do they?

In fact, they don't age at all.

How to know if your wife is dead? Well, the sex is still trash, but the dishes really start to pile up.

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

What do you call a private nun?

Nun-o-yo-business.

The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.

One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."

Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.

Why did the kid with Down syndrome get expelled?

He was always tardy.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Read the title.

What do you get when you cross Donald Trump with Fregley?

Orange juice.

Stephen Hawking went on a date and came back with a broken leg. I can't believe she stood him up.

I threw a Asian down some stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.

what's the difference between an onion and a baby?

nobody cries when you cut up the baby.