Yours jokes

Insult

    • Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!

  • 5

    • Insult

    • Ninety percent of your beauty can be removed with a Kleenex.

    Oh, were you talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.

    Hold still, I am trying to imagine you with a personality.

  • 4
    • Yours memes

    Baby

    • So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."

  • 1

    • Grandma

    • What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.

    What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.

  • 0

    • Blonde

    • A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

    She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

    She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."

    The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

    The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

  • 6

    • Anal Sex

    • What's the difference between Clint Eastwood and anal sex?

    One will make your day, and the other will make your hole weak.

  • 3

    • Missing child

    • Me: Brings in missing child.

    Police: OMG this kid has been missing for 3 months. Here is your reward.

    Me: Oh, cool.

    NEXT DAY

    Me: Brings in 8 other kids.

    Police :0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • 4

    • Ex

    • Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."

  • 2