Yours jokes
You're so bald that your hairline is receding faster than my bank account after a trip to Las Vegas.
Roses are red, your eyes are brown; never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.
Roses are red. Watches are gold. Get on your knees and do what you're told.
Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?
Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the check.
A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"
Why is it spicy?
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.
Dad: Well, how do you know?
Son: I found the adoption papers.
Dad: That is for your mum.
If you know, you know.
Your momma is so old she has been a waitress at the last supper.
An American bully goes up to an English kid and says, "You're ugly!"
And the English kid says, "Well, wanna know why you can't play Jenga?"
"Why?" says the bully.
"Because you haven't got a tower."
If 2 + 2 is 4, and 4 + 4 is 8, then that must mean I can lick your pussy.
What joke could orphan's never understand?
Your Mom jokes.
As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers. : )
Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"
When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!
Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.
What would you rate this woman?
A 7.
Why?
Because 7 ate 9!
Your hairline goes so far back it remembers the big band.
Father: I am taking your toys to the orphanage.
Son: Why?
Father: You’ll need them there.
You're so ugly, when you went to the makeup store, it shut down.
How did your dad come back with the milk? The Milky Way.