Yours jokes
God, you're more toxic than white phosphorus.
What’s something you can say about your clothes but not your partner?
It’s just a rental.
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol, but if I were you, I wouldn’t kiss your mom on the mouth at all.
When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.
What do you say after making fun of a disabled person?
"Sorry, I didn't mean to step on your toes."
Your mom is so fat, she fell down the Grand Canyon and got stuck!
James, sike, I lied, your mommy is pancakes, is so dry.
My best friend: Joey, sike, I lied, your Twitch is dry.
My other friends: the winner is................. my guy James!
You abuse me that I have no beards, but your sugar daddy shaved them off to look cute. 🤔
Being an orphan isn’t all bad.
On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
Who needs Singles Day when you're single for the rest of your life!
Your hairline is so bad, it goes back in time!
You're so slow, the sped kid is your tutor.
Ah, what's that on your face? Oh, I forgot, that is your ass. It's so ugly, you stupid-looking bitch!
A husband walks into the bedroom door holding two aspirin and a glass of water.
His wife asked what that was for.
"It is for your headache."
"I don't have a headache."
He smiles. "Gotcha!!!!"
Your hairline and my car go Lighting McQueen speed because he never came back with the milk.
"Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it is too cheesy."
"YOU MORON ITS *TOO* not TO, IM GOING TO EAT YOU ALIVE AND RIP OUT YOUR PROSTATE"
Cool kid: I slept with your sister.
Me: Never knew my brother was a girl.
Everyone else: :O
You're so short that you use a ladder to reach a dime.