Yours jokes

Tell your mom happy last night. 🍆 in my bed.

I can see your cameltoe, you nasty thot!

"You're the bomb"—a compliment in the USA.

An argument in the Middle East.

When someone pops up in your life making you all happy, you be like, "Who sent you?"

You're American when you go in the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but what are you when you are still in the bathroom? European (you're-a-peein').

Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"

My friend asked me:

Friend: "How much is your body worth?"

Me: "1 million."

Friend: "1 million dollars?!"

Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."

Friend: "Oh."

What did the triangle say to the circle?

"You're pointless!"

Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?

Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.

That one person who can never bring a smile to your face...

Until you push them down 3 flights of stairs.

Your momma!

I wanted to have sex, but I share a room with my brother, so we made a code. "Tomato" for faster, and "cheese" for more, and I shouted, "Tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese." My brother said, "Stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayo on my bed!"

If you boil your funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock.

What time do you have when an elephant sits on your fence?

Time to get a new fence!

10 dicks up your mom's ass!

A little chimney said: "Ooooh, I think my house owner is making a fire in me! I'm about to smoke!"

The big chimney said next to him: "Well, you're too young to smoke..."

You’ll parsley believe how many puns I have. Hopefully your funny-bone isn’t broken because these are real rib-ticklers.

Mommy, why is my name Brick???

Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.

Mommy, why is my name Rose???

Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.

Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."

I adopted you. Now say goodbye, you missed your Spanish lesson...

What's the difference between you and your mom?

I slept with your mom.