Yours jokes
When your crush walks in class but you're homeschooled...
Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?
Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.
(This isn't really a joke btw anyway.) SpongeBob, me boy, ye ruptured me intestines with that massive c*ck of yours, agahgahagahagahagah!
Roses are red, violets are blue.
My heart is dead because of you.
Actually, not because of you... because of your face.
Father: "Son, you were adopted."
Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes."
When your mom pulls the "I put food on the table, I put clothes on your back, I put a roof over your head" card.
Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"
Friend: "Your blood pressure!"
Roses are red, violets are blue, your penis smells like stew, and I want to eat it too.
Me: What is the difference between your mom and a mosquito?
Friend: Let me guess, they both suck you.
My friend asked me:
Friend: "How much is your body worth?"
Me: "1 million."
Friend: "1 million dollars?!"
Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."
Friend: "Oh."
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
You're so ugly that even the World Trade Center got a better transformation than you.
Kid: Are you gay?
Me: No, I'm straighter than the pole your mom dances on.
A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.
The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”
You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"
Then I start to think I was the problem :(
Just kidding, fuck that asshole!
What time do dogs 🐕 get a walk done ✅?
Time to walk with your dog 🐶!
Your forehead is so big you could roast meat on it.
Your life is the best joke ever.
You're so poor, you use the same toilet paper every time you take a poop!
You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale.
Girlfriend: You remind me of a cellphone.
Ex-Boyfriend: How and why?
Girlfriend: Because you're about to die!