Yours jokes

The earth was flat until they buried your mom.

Friend: What goes up but not down?

You: Your age.

Celebrate-By- watersharky Productions and Pitbull- Mr. Worldwide Let's celebrate. I just wanna celebrate. I just wanna celebrate. Tonight we're making history. I just wanna celebrate. We've been around the world, same song. Work hard, play hard, all day long. All the continents get jealous over me. You can see me 3D overseas. If you know me then you know where to find me Off in the Bahamas with a bad one behind me. Now live it up, live it up, live it up Baby pick it up, pick it up, pick it up And we gon' Boom boom around the world Boom boom no kidding girl Boom boom that's the way we like to play We gon' Boom boom around the world Boom boom no kidding girl Boom boom that's the way we like to play I just wanna celebrate. I just wanna celebrate. Tonight we're making history. I just wanna celebrate. Turn it up Turn it up I've been patiently waiting for you to shake and shake it Make it or take it The point is we made it Courted by the game, call us Tom Brady And it's not our fault that we have all the ladies But it's hard to see these ladies when your middle name's Equator All around the globe, matter fact see your later They're great, we're great at world war, dominators And we're also some smooth operators, and we gon' Boom boom around the world Boom boom no kidding girl Boom boom That's the way we like to play We gon' Boom boom around the world Boom boom no kidding girl Boom boom that's the way we like to play I just wanna celebrate. I just wanna celebrate. Tonight we're making history. I just wanna celebrate. Turn it up Turn it up Live it up (Live it up), don't let life live you (Live you) It's a good time (Good time), so we give you (Give you) Now live it up, live it up, live it up, live it up, live it up What you wanna do? I just wanna celebrate. I just wanna celebrate. Tonight we're making history. I just wanna celebrate. Turn it up Let's celebrate. Turn it up Let's celebrate.

A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.

The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.

He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.

When he died, the Angel came back for him.

"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.

"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."

"Son, I found a condom in your room." "Gee, thanks, Grandpa!" "Why are you calling me Grandpa?" "Because I couldn't find it yesterday."

Why is a priest different from acne?

Acne waits to come on your face.

There was once a small earthquake, but when I got outside, I realized my brother was still stuck inside. When I told my mom, she just said, "It doesn't matter, you're my favorite anyway!"

What's that stupid girl in your class called?

Thot.

To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you.

LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)

"Batteries, batteries, who the batteries in your remotes and everything else you got in your house is turned upside down?"

I accidentally said, "Go cry to your mom," to an orphan. 😭

Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.

When an African has a twin, your me??

I see that you start work at 9am, but your hairline starts at 9:15am.

You're so ugly that everytime you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."

Your mom is so ugly that she uses Snapchat filters to make her pretty.

You're so skinny you're a thin stick.

You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean, you became the Pacific Ocean.

You're so ugly you got stuff for free.

You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti, you thought it was throw up.

You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth.

You are so gay you kissed the boy last night.

Your hair goes so far back in time, even cavemen saw it!

Here are 20 jokes for you:

Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner!

Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts!

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!

How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them!

How does a bee style its hair? With a honeycomb!

Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!

What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!

What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs!

Why don't eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up!

Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!

Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts!

What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner is on me!

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!

Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they would be bagels!

Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!

How does a computer get drunk? It takes screenshots!

What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull-dozer!

I hope these jokes brought a smile to your face! Let me know if you'd like to hear more.

Your mum is so fat that when she walked past the television, I missed a whole series of SpongeBob.