Yours jokes
Teacher: I’m gonna call your parents.
Orphan: Go on, see if they pick up.
How do you cut your grass without a lawnmower?
You dye it blue and it will cut itself.
What's the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression f**ks you harder.
Why did the little girl cry twice?
Because you wiped your bloody shitty cock on her favorite teddy bear.
Are you a cheese 🧀 from Denmark? Because your "guta."
You're so poor not even Dollar Tree has your prices.
"If you're good at something, never do it for free."
Rapboat's mom charges $5 a blowie.
Your dad's a cunt.
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
You're so fat that you were the iceberg that made the Titanic sink.
A salesman rings the doorbell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”
Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?
Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.
Your hairline go so far back it remember the Civil War, ugly ahh.
Your manna so fat your father will be coming around the mountain when he cums.
Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.
The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"
Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."
Why are uncles like curries?
Because bad ones hurt your asshole.
My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."
When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."
I bet you eat your cereal with water because your dad never came back with the milk.
What did God say when he made the first woman?
"Where is your dick at?"
You are emo.