Yours jokes

Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

Dear Gwen and Prince,

Gwen and Prince, sorry for being mean and cussing and other messed up nonsense. To be honest, I really just wanted to be your friends, all both of you! BTW Prince, Gwen is not dating Aiden...I don't even know who Aiden is! Sorry a million times, Zreina.

Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.

Son: That’s too baaaaaad!

You're the type of guy to have a whole training arc after a girl wants to fight you.

I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses.

Does it cycle now? 🚲

Keep smearing that make-up around your face, maybe you'll get somewhere with it.

If your sis makes you mad, so go to your friend's home to play.

If your sis is sad, go tell Mom.

A guy walks into a bar, he's like, "What's your number, lad?" and the woman is like, "298-777-fatso.com" and he walked home depressed.

Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.

Let me just remove my finger from your bottom.

Thank you, nurse!

I heard that your forehead is so big that you could build a neighborhood on it.

What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms and no legs?

Matt!

If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?

Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!

In Alabama... How do you know your sister is having periods? Your dad's penis tastes like blood.

What do you say to your customer at a popsicle stand when he asks for the price?

Dollar a pop!

Get it?

Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.

You: What you doing?

I wonder what you’re doing because you’re bad at math, hahahahaha!

"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"

Your mom's my dad. Think about that!