Yours jokes
Rodd Flanders: What's "gay" mean?
Bart: Uh, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.
Rodd says to his dad Ned: I'm gay, Daddy.
I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"
The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."
A man is being sued for raping a deaf girl. The judge, showing his pinky:
"You should be ashamed, man, your conscience is even smaller than that!"
The girl, showing her arm:
"Mhhhmmhmm, mhhmhm!"
What did the bus driver say to the car?
"What is your address?"
An elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home.
The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game.
The man asks, "Is it your first time?"
The woman replies, "It's been a while since a man has asked me that."
You're so fat, when someone calls you fat, you get depressed and cut you a slice of cake.
You're so ugly that you and Adolfo Hitler are like twins.
Your mum is so fat that when she walked past the television, I missed a whole series of SpongeBob.
So, my best friend's boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.
So I told her a "single" joke, then she said, "Go and fucking die, you insensitive bitch!"
I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF, I will break his body for you—happy now?"
She said, "*sniff* yes."
When you tell an orphan, "I did your mom in your home," and they start crying.
Me: You f&*k up.
The class: Oh sh!&
Study tip: Laminate your notes so they don't get damaged by the tears!
There’s nothing funny about orphans, right?
Well, I guess that depends on your sense of humor.
What do you call a mosquito in your language?
We don't call them, they just come and bite.
VOTING SEMIFINAL 1
LIKE: When the school shooter is about to leave your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
DISLIKE: When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”.
Vote for the better joke.
Your forehead so big you got to take Tylenol pills, big like chocolate chip cookies.
Why do sisters hate you?
Because you're their favorite stepbrother :P
Why did Michael Jackson name his kid Blanket?
What would you call a cover for your cock?
What am I doing?
Your mom.
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."