Yours jokes

After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”

The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”

Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”

Me: Hey, have you seen my butt?

Him: No, have you seen where it is?

Me: Maybe here on your private part hehe.

Him: *dumps my head on the toilet* HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR ASS NOW, PERVERT?

You're so ugly the densest told you to lay face down.

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

Everyone makes mistakes. Just ask your parents.

Your forehead is so big, you look like Megamind but with no superpower, just a big forehead!

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sugar is sweet. And your mom is, too.

Your momma so ugly, when the Kool-Aid man burst in the door, he said, "Oh no!"

Your classmate: You're so ugly.

Me: That's what your mom said when she had you and called you a mistake.

I hope you forget your password to something, only to send something to an email that you also forgot the password to.

Your hairline and your mom go way back.

Don't ever say your life is a joke because jokes are actually funny.

A man came running into a hospital saying, "Doctor, Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"

The doctor replied, "I know I amputated your arms!"

So imagine bullying an orphan so bad they cry, and then you say, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"

What is the best way to get gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

My girlfriend's name is Candice.

Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D

"COVERBITCH, your worthless."

You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.

Halal!

Is it meat you're looking for?

I thought you played football 'cause you're hairline is receiving.