Yours jokes

What’s the worst joke ever? Your parents’ relationship.

Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her titties, I got a mouth full of knee.

Your forehead is so big, you can fit Santa’s sack on it.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick. Get your head out of the gutters... Jeez!

You're the type of person to wash your hands after a shower.

What is the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

You're so fat, when people see you running, they can't help but yell out, "Keep running!"

Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.

When I was at work, I saw this kid crying. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working in an orphanage.

What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.

Your mom is heavier than Mariah can even carry.

"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."

Me:.....

When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.

Then you know they're faking depression. 🙂

If you know it, you know it.

The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...

"Don't let your guard down."

What are two plus sides to being an orphan?

1. All your snacks are family sized.

2. No one can make jokes about your mama.

Hello, welcome to abortion pizza. Your loss is our sauce.

I still don't know what's the worst, most dangerous place to take your children on holiday, but, for certain, it's either Vatican City or Neverland Ranch.

This Native American won't stop talking bad about me, so I said, "Please stop acting like you first discovered this land belonged to your ancestors!"

I thought God didn't make mistakes, but then I saw your face.

I'm sorry, orphans, that you're getting bullied. Oh, I have to go, my MOM's calling me. We're going on a road trip to go to a FAMILY reunion!