Yours jokes
Your birth certificate is a complaint to the condom factory.
Can you make me a bowl of cereal? Oh wait, your dad never came back with the milk.
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual assault?
When you're sitting in class and the quiet kid yells, "Lovely day, isn't it?" ... and you see a Glock shape in his pocket.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a prostitute?
The look they give you while you’re nailing them.
One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."
What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "OOOF"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your Parents."
What do a bag of chips and a gun have in common?
When you pull either one out in class, everyone all of a sudden wants to be your friend...
What's the difference between a T-Rex and your sister? I can't stick my dick in a dinosaur.
Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?
So you're the one!
I would make a joke about your mom, but cows are sacred in my country.
What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "You're dead to me."
Your hairline goes so far back it went back to when Earth was created.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne waits until you're 13 to come on your face.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Answer: Your mom.
I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.
I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."
He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"
"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."
How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.