Yours jokes

Your nan.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.

The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.

It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

The two biggest dyslexic guy lies: "My check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in your mailbox."

I know five fat people, and you're three of them.

What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?

Reload... chhchhhh.

"One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and..." He is interrupted. "Why are you saying this aloud?" A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, "You wanted to know how to live on your own, but I guess experience is more helpful," he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.

Your nan's bald.

Kid: What is between mom's legs?

Dad: Paradise.

Kid: What's between your legs?

Dad: The key to paradise.

Kid: Well, you better change the lock, the neighbor has the key to.

Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?

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Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, and the teacher was talking about life. The teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how do you want your wife to be like?" Little Johnny answered, "Like the moon." The teacher said, "That's such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful." Little Johnny replied, "No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning."

Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)

Why are we depressed? Is it because of that bully in your school, or because you have acne? How about when you listen to your sad song playlist? Maybe it's because you have no friends? Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake? T^T

A 60-year-old man is walking along a deserted road with a 12-year-old boy. It’s getting dark, and the boy says, “Hey mister, it’s getting dark and I’m scared.”

The man replies, “You’re scared? I’ve got to walk back to town alone!”

Son: Dad, why did you name my sister Paris?

Dad: Because she was made there.

Son: Thanks, Dad.

Dad: You're welcome, Backseat.

Boy, look at your hair. It be looking like the McDonald's symbol.

Your mum's so fat that when she goes to KFC, they run out of stock of chicken.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jill could whack off Jack. Jill yelled out, "Jack, where is your sack?"

Said, "I'm not Jack, I'm your friend Nancy."

Jack and Jill went up the hill. They turned to drunks and have no will. Jill said to Jack, "Your love reveal, then think of building me a still."