Yours jokes

You're mum.

Your adopted.

Mom: Daddy, stop!

Me: No!

Mom: Ok, I just wanted you to do it like your father.

My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!

*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*

"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"

You're a big Z!

A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel in his pants.

The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel in your pants?"

The pirate replies, "Yarrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"

I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!

What do tampons and your sister have in common?

I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!

I'll pat-your-breasts, pat-your-breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", and then put you in the oven for the bitch and me!

"COVERBITCH, your worthless."

Haha, you're gay!

Girlfriend: Am I pretty or ugly?

Boyfriend: You're both!

Girlfriend: What do you mean by that?

Boyfriend: You're pretty ugly!!!

Gay person to girl: What’s your favorite planet?

Girl: Penus-(penis)(venus), and what is yours?

Gay person: What else, it's Your Anus (Uranus)!😅

Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.

Your nan.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.

The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.

It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

The two biggest dyslexic guy lies: "My check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in your mailbox."

I know five fat people, and you're three of them.