You're jokes
Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?
Dad: Ohhh yeah, I do!
Son: How did it taste?
Dad: Get out.
So here’s this funny story, and it’s true.
So my mom has this friend. When this guy was a kid, he was on the school bus, and this Mexican kid checked him into the aisle, so he hits him across the face with a metal lunchbox, and he started bleeding. Then they both get banned from the bus for a few days, so him and his dad drive to the Mexican kids house, and his dad says to the Mexican kids dad “if your kid ever picks on my kid again, I’m gonna come back to this house and kick your ass!”
Well, you know what they say, time flies when you're just a ball of anxiety and stress. :D
Sister, can I see your two big rabbits?
There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.
Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.
Your face.
You're shorter than a thumbtack, like, boy, your auntie is probably taller than you.
Bro, go work at McDonald's. Your hairline inspired their logo!
Charizarding.
When you light a girl's pubes on fire, put it out with your jizz, then flap your arms and say, "You don't have enough badges to train me!"
Violets are blue, or green, so is your face so ugly, too.
Roses are red, your cities are gone, I am Thomas the thermonuclear bomb.
Person 1: You are the dumbest person in the class.
Person 2: Well, you're the second. Maybe, but at least I'm not the dumbest.
Person 2: I know how to fix that!
... Next day person commits suicide...
When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!
Do you know the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?
So you're the one!
Your mama is so fat that when she sat down on the couch for a family picture, it was just her.
Mrs. Duncan knows where you live. She lives there too. In your basement... lolololololololololololololololololol
What’s one thing that comes up at the worst possible time and ruins your day?
A period.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Alabama.
Alabama who?
Alabama your cousin.
Paralyzed Man: *gets up* I’m out of here!
Blind Man: Did that paralyzed man just get up?
Deaf Man: Did that Blind Man see that paralyzed man get up?
Mute Man: Did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
Dead Man: Did that mute man just say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
“Normal” Man: Did that dead man hear the mute man say did that deaf man hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
Doctor: *calls 911*
911 service: 911 what’s your emergency?
Doctor: Yes, uh, a “normal” person just said that did that dead man just hear a mute man say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see a paralyzed man get up?
911 service: *hangs up*
Police: Where do you live? Blonde: With my parents. Police: Where do your parents live? Blonde: With me. Police: Where do you all live? Blonde: Together. Police: Where is your house? Blonde: Next to my neighbor's house. Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Blonde: If I tell you, you won't believe me. Police: Tell me. Blonde: Next to my house.