You're jokes
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"
When the teacher says she'll call your parents but you're an orphan.
"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"
"Only in your dreams."
Bully: How is your girlfriend?
Me: I don't have one!
Bully: I know!
Me: How are your parents?
*Walks out of orphanage*
new years be like in my house
A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"
Your hairline is so far back that you have four faces to wash every day.
When I saw your hairline, I thought I saw kid Jason Voorhees.
I hope you forget your password to something, only to send something to an email that you also forgot the password to.
You can't YEE your last HAW!
But I put my BALLS in ur JAW.
What do you call someone who’s blond, beautiful, and listens to what you’re saying, but only hears what they want?
Womxn
My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.
Person: What's your perfect date look like?
Me: Oh, just hanging around in a tree.
Your mum's foreheads.
Peter: Curses!
Jacob: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Peter: *Crying*
Jacob: Why are you crying?
Jacob: Whatever. *Leaves orphanage*
A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.
The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”
The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.
You’re so short, you could sweep under your bed while standing.
Gwen!!!!!! I need your help!!!!!!!!!!
Knock knock. Who's there? Europe. Europe who? (You're a poo.)