You're jokes

What animal howls at the moon and eats cement?

If you guessed wolf, you're right! I threw in the cement to make it hard.

Wipe your feet before entering, but in Stephen Hawking's case, it is "Wipe your wheels."

Your mom is so fat, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!

Hey, is anyone’s mom missing? Yeah, yours.

Your hairline can fit a truck without touching either side.

Roberto: Judd, your DNA looks like the infinite symbol.

Judd: Roberto, your DNA looks like a pasta noodle.

What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?

Kid's.

Me: What do you want to do for your birthday?

Fiancé: I want to go somewhere I've never been before!

Me: Well welcome to the Kitchen!

What's the difference between you and your sister?

Your dad.

When you wear a big hat and your butt starts to splat diarrhea!

There was a kid sitting in a corner.

Me: "Hey! Why are you here at an orphanage?"

Orphan: "..."

Me: "Oh, wait, you're an orphan."

I'll unplug your life support for my phone that's about to die.

Best pick up line EVER.

There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.

Mommy, mommy! Are we outlaws? Your stepmom thinks so.

Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?

"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."

You’re looking pretty rough this evening. You look like if sweatpants were a person.

Your mom uses the equator as a belt.

POV: Your dad is gone.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not your dad. LMAO.

Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"

And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"