You're jokes

What is saw and bleeding and covered in bruises?

Your mum.

Teacher: Students, tomorrow bring your parents to the open house.

Student one orphan: I don't have any.

Student 2: What is the difference between you and an escaped prisoner?

Student one orphan: What!

Student 2: The prisoner gets picked.

You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?

What's the difference between your mom and a fat female cow...

A female cow doesn't have a dick.

Your hairline is so bad that the queen died when looking at it!

Your mama's so fat, when she went to the baseball tournament, she knocked everyone out of the park.

All of the sudden, if you're Republican, you're racist, and Communism is a symbol of freedom? What happened to the proud men our founding fathers were, damn it!

I bet when your mom first saw you, she said, "Oh my god, this ain't my child. My child would look amazing."

Peter: *curses*

Sam: Wow, do you kiss your mom with that mouth?

Peter: Jokes on you, I don't have a mom.

Tony: *having a heart attack* AFSJDHFKJJD Peter, we talked about this!!!

Guys, can we stop this stupid drama? I just wanna post my "Doin' Your Mom" lyrics and funny jokes! Please stop it!

I ate all of your mommy's orphans.

Boy: "Mister, can I get candy?"

Mister: No, you shit head.

Boy: Why? :(

Mister: Because I'm not your dad.

You're so fat your ass has 2 zip codes.

Brother: Your nuts!

Sister: What do you mean? You're the one that has the nuts!

Your mom's like a candy machine; she pops out for anybody.

A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.

What's the difference between your dad and the mailman? Nothing.

Hey, I broke up with your girl.

-Me: What? Why?

Wait, what?

-Me: You f**ked her, so it's your baby.

Your butt looks so big, it's bigger than Sam Hill.

Are you beef?

Because you're Carlos-Asada.