You're jokes

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

You're so poor, you lick postcards for food.

What's full of lard and is reserved as Putin's cannon fodder?

Your mum!!!

Your hairline is so bad that it looks like you have Ironman's helmet on your head.

Your hairline is so big, it distracts me from your face.

Your hairline is so ugly, your hair runs away from it.

The last time your hairline connected was when George Washington was born.

What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?

It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

You're so ugly, even the Twin Towers got a better upgrade than you!

Your hairline is so far back, your barber didn't know where to start.

Your gene pool is more like a gene puddle.

I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.

Gas, gas, gas, I'm gonna step on your ass!

TONIGHT

FOR FUN

YEAH YEAH YEAH

Your love life.

Your hairline is so back it's not even a hairline cuz you're bald. LOL

If you're seeing this, this is your sign to go fuck yourself.

Time really freezes when you're stuck on a sinking ship.

It cost me $100 to ride a taxi over your belly, it was that big!

I heard a motivational quote saying faith can move mountains, but faith cannot move your receding hairline.

Your hairline is so bent that Bob the Builder couldn't fix it.