You're jokes

My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose.

Hey, give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded!

Oh no, not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys, I just lost my finger a day ago! This is Tony, later on.

I was in math class when my teacher gave us homework, and she said to me, "You're gonna get an F this time." So I went back home, and f**k my teacher.

Roses are red, violets are blue, most of your jokes are stolen, is not original to you.

A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..." The room was full of arm amputees.

Roses are red,

foxes are red,

I like your butt, let me touch it forever.

If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.

Are you a volcano? Because you're hot and I really lava you!

A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"

When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.

Can I make you a basketball cake for dessert?

Yeah, you sure can, but don't be having all your balls in it. It will taste nasty.

The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."

How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?

It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.

Can I put my balls in your jaws?

Your mum is so fat and so dumb that she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.

What does broccoli and sex have in common?

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.

To Mr. Nice Guy, you are nice, sweet, and caring! I am so grateful to be your friend!

A person could build a playground with your mood swings.

Ur mama so fat that when she went to the ocean, all the whales started singing, "We are family," even knowing your fatter than me.

Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?

Because they blow up in your face.

Your momma is so hairy that when you were born, you got rug burn.