You're jokes

Your mama is so fat, she broke the stairs to Heaven.

I couldn't think of anything because you're in the "countryside."

The time I saw you and you asked me to be your friend.

Me: "Yeah... no. You're too ugly. Even your parents never loved you."

Kid: 😭

I don't care if I got beat the first day you were born. Your momma asked for a receipt!

A sister went to her brother's room and says,

"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"

"Yes, sis."

"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)

"My pet snake."

"Can I pet it?"

"Yes."

He wakes up in a hospital.

"What happened?"

"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."

"You dummy!"

"Whaaat?"

Parent: Have you seen your sister?

Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.

Mommy, mommy, why do I keep running around in circles?

Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!

What has one head, one foot, and four legs? A: A bed.

Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head!

Q: How many letters are in the alphabet? A: 11. A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

2, 4, 6, 8, you're staying up too late.

2, 4, 6, 8, all I do is master bait.

"Hey, tie your shoes! I don’t want you falling for anyone else."

Guys, I know this is kinda weird, but everyone who wants to... Put your name and your age in the comment section. Not address though because that would not be good for creepers... Lol I am Lucy and I am 15 years old. What about you guys? :D

There was once a small earthquake, but when I got outside, I realized my brother was still stuck inside. When I told my mom, she just said, "It doesn't matter, you're my favorite anyway!"

You ever get the feeling when your parents are cheating on you? I do.

Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?

Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.

Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*

All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?

People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!

People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)

Where did your dad go? Because I saw him at the milk shop. Oh wait, there isn't one.

I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"

Why did the orphan go outside the school?

Answer: Because it was take your parents to school day.

Your computer just went in my bathroom and took a shit because you put too much chili in the bowl.

What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?

"I'm totally dogging it today..."