You're jokes

Your mom's hot.

How do you know if you're making a Caesar salad? Stabbing it 23 times.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away?

I'm sure you would run away if your name was kjdhfkuaysbgfbkuejgf.

James Charles is more straight than your hairline.

You're so bald that when you wear a poncho, you look like a broken condom.

You're so ugly when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.

The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."

You're old enough to remember when emojis were called "hieroglyphics."

Imagine going up to an emo and saying, "You're just like a spider, you're both good at hanging."

Kidnapper: Hey kid, your parents told me to pick you up.

Kid: Sir, this is an orphanage.

Kidnapper: ...

Your hairline is so bad man, I gave your doctor a breathalyzer.

You're so skinny that if I were to put you on a flagpole, you would wave in the wind.

Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.

Girlfriend's ex: Why?

Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.

I once saw an orphan... I decided to ask them a simple question... "Hey! Where is your family?"

They didn't reply.

I kept asking them. They started crying. I started laughing. They ran away...

"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."

Your mom saw Uranus and never was the same in HD. :)

Tell an emo, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"

Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression...

It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shiii fuck ur mom.

Doctor: “I have good and bad news.”

Patient: “Give me the good news first.”

Doctor: “Your test results are back and you have only two days to live.”

Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?”

Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”