You're jokes

Do you know Candice?

Candice dick fit in your mouth!

She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez. Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed!

I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?

Me and my brother talking about relationships.

Me: We live kind of differently.

Brother: We're sort of alike.

Me: We're not alike.

Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!

My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!

What is the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg, but you can't beat your...

If you're pan, all you have to do is get a sibling and make them get your parents to the outside of the pantry, and you burst out and then say you're pansexual!

Your so broke your mom can't afford your daddy.

Your parents are so proud of you. They LOVE you! <3

Your mama's so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma.

What’s the difference between life and a rape joke?

Life fucks you until you stop breathing; a rape joke fucks you until it’s not funny anymore.

There's something on your chin, no, the third one down.

Your hairline is so far back, it was in a different time zone on a flight with you.

Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.

Girlfriend's ex: Why?

Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.

I once saw an orphan... I decided to ask them a simple question... "Hey! Where is your family?"

They didn't reply.

I kept asking them. They started crying. I started laughing. They ran away...

Q: What do a blond girl and a tornado have in common? A: There's a lot of blowing and sucking, then you lose your house.

To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you.

LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)

You're so small that when you go to the doctor, he doesn’t know you're there.

When you're at school and you have to wipe your ass, but it's only one ply...

Your finger breaks through... mmm, finger lickin' good.

You're old enough to remember when emojis were called "hieroglyphics."