You're jokes

Your dad's hairline was so long that he died.

Your hairline is gone because you never bathed or brushed.

If you're waiting for a waiter at a restaurant, aren't you the waiter?

If you're cleaning a vacuum, aren't you the vacuum cleaner?

For all the planes who are flying alone, you're not dying on your own.

Your mom.

Your hairline is so far back that I didn’t know you had a hairline.

Orphan: Can I go outside?

Coworker at orphanage: Go ask your mom.

Orphan: WAWAWAWAWAW

What do guns and gum have in common?

When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.

When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,

The present: Laundry.

*gunshot*

Your children grew up faster than it took you to leave for the milk.

"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"

"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, "That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?"

"Why should it?" answered her spouse. "I keep telling them it's for you."

One day, a man visited an orphanage.

Then he sees a kid crying. The man asked, "Where are your parents?"

The kid cries even harder.

What would you like as your last meal?

Fried chicken. Extra crispy.

You're so fat that you broke Thanos's snap!

Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.

What's the difference between sex and gender?

You can't have gender with your sister.

Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.

Your mama is so fat, she needs two phones to take a picture of herself.