You're jokes
When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.
You're so ugly that when One Direction saw you, they went the OTHER direction!
Your hairline was sponsored as a Snap Chat Filter.
Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you never turn your back on family.
The only thing drier than these jokes is your mom.
If your corona test shows two lines, is that then positive or negative?
Your hairline is so far back, just like your dad is from you.
Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?
Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.
Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.
Your mama is so stupid, she put a ruler under her pillow to measure how long she slept.
Sister, can I see your two big rabbits?
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
How do you know your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
I like your cut, G.
*Slaps really hard*
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
I saw a kid sitting on the side and asked if he was an orphan, “what gave me away?” “Well, your parents, for a start.”
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.
A suicidal customer walks into a gun store.
Cashier: Is this your final purchase?
Customer: Actually, yes it is!
What's the difference between your birth and 9/11?
One was planned.
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"
A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.
Your hairline's so ugly it made Michael Jackson lean back.