You're jokes
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
Roses are red, Violets are fine. Why is your life So much better than mine?
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.
Your mama's like a cardboard box: open to the public and easy to nail.
Your momma is so old she has been a waitress at the last supper.
Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.
Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
Your cut [is] so broke, even Bob the Builder can't fix it.
Bro, is your hairline and your forehead good friends because they go way back?
You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
Roses are red, Get on the ground, Gimme your stuff, Get ready to drown!
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?
Because they blow up in your face.
What’s the first thing you should do if an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in your dirty laundry!
Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushion.
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.
Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:
1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps
If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.