You're jokes

I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.

A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.

Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.

I may not be your cup of tea, but I am definitely your 10th shot of tequila.

What's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

What do you call your retard friend?

A homie with an extra cromie.

How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?

Pick it up and suck its dick.

So you're offended by midget jokes? C'mon, grow up!

What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?

He didn't come back with the milk.

Your hairline goes so far back you can see a full world scale map in your forehead reflection.

A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."

You're so skinny that people can't even see you.

Your gene pool is so shallow, you could break your neck diving in.

Why should you wrap your hamsters in duct tape?

So they don't explode when you f*** them.

I’m really good at algebra. I can replace your X without even asking Y.

I read the chapter of numbers, but nowhere did I ever see your number.

What’s worse than finger banging your sister?

Finding your dad’s wedding ring.

Why don't rappers ever play hide-and-seek?

Because good luck hiding when your name's always dropping!

"If you're good at something, never do it for free."

Rapboat's mom charges $5 a blowie.

What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?

Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.