You're

You're jokes

God

    • During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

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    • Guy

    • A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.

    Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."

    Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

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    • Wine

    • I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”

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    • Wife

    • Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"

    Advice

    • I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.

    A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.

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    • Secret

    • Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.

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    • Maria

    • Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

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    • Dad

    • What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?

    He didn't come back with the milk.