You're jokes
Your mama so fat that’s why Hulk gets big.
Your secret is safe with me. I walnut tell a soul.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it a la mode.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.
"Let it go, LET IT GO!" Blah blah blah whatever the rest of the song says dun dun blah blah blah my mom never bothered me anyway.
I'm bored 😴 so that's why I sang in my wonderful voice for a few seconds and wasted your time.
Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.
Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.
Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Your momma is so fat, she was in a movie and the screen broke!
Your hairline is so big, it was used as a highway.
Knock, knock.
Who is there?
Your Nan.
WHAT? MY NAN IS DEAD!
What's red and blue and runs up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
Why is my sister so annoying? Because put your own thing in.
You have more chin than brain cells!
My fortune cookie said, "Your existing plans will succeed." Not necessarily, since I'm suicidal...
People, when your lover cheats on you, do this!
1. Start a conversation. 2. Say, "What's that smell?" 3. They will smell around. 4. Say, "OMG, it's a b****," and walk away and ignore them.
Your hairline starts at the back of your head.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dragon.
Dragon deez nuts.
Dragon deez nuts who?
DRAGON DEEZ NUTS ALL OVER YOUR FACE!
Boobs are like batteries...
AA will get the job done...
C is bigger than AA...
D is bigger that C...
...and if they're square, you don't want to put your tongue on them!