You jokes
Hey, can you hold this for a second?
How do you make antifreeze?
You steal her blanket.
What's the difference between a baby and a ball?
If you inflate the ball, it won't explode.
One day, a skeleton wasn't laughing. Someone asked him why he was not laughing. It turns out he fell and broke his bone, his funny bone that is.
How does the sea say hello?
It WAVES you.
SEA what I did there?
I'm SHORE you saw it.
Don't be SALTY!
Memes
What did the toaster say to the toast?
"I want you inside me."
If you tell me to get a life, you're telling me to get a life better than yours!
What do you get when you cross an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
Why don't you see gay people in wheelchairs?
Because once you're a fruit, you can't be a vegetable.
Wife: Stop telling rape jokes, it's not funny. Husband: Who raped you this morning?
I see that you start work at 9am, but your hairline starts at 9:15am.
You think my face is ugly? Yours is more.
Have you seen the Woody Allen v Mia Farrow series on HBO? If you like details about child molestation without having to do it yourself, boy do I have the show for you!
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Make him clap until his parents come back.
A kid with hallucinations and cancer is on a Jeopardy game show.
"What's behind curtain #1... YOU HAVE WON..... CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hi, I did not get your text. I texted you when I texted you. You are not [responding].
You and your mom.
What makes a skeleton laugh?
When you tickle his funny bone with a skele-TON of jokes!
Heh.
What do you call a guy on fire in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
What is the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can't tuna fish.