You jokes
Nah, did your barber catch a seizure while lining you up?
What do you call a singer who can't make a song?
Taylor Swift.
There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.
Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.
Did you hear about the streaker in church? He was caught by the organ.
Bro, why are you making an avalanche by that big forehead? No wonder why snow was found on Mars.
What do you get when you mix Viagra with spinach?
Strong to the finish.
How do you know when you're near Wacko Jacko's grave? When 'Thriller' is out and about.
What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.
You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"
Then I start to think I was the problem :(
Just kidding, fuck that asshole!
What do you call a priest meeting his illegal children?
A holy CUMmunion.
What do you call a midget born from precum?
"Half Nut!"
What do you call a girl with no legs?
Unshakeable.
What do you call a wheelchair on fire?..
Hot Wheels.
You should always wash your sex toys. That’s why priests invented baptism.
When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!
Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.
Man's friend: Same.
Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.
Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.
Man: Oh great heavens!
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
You're so poor that when you drink water from a cup, people flick a coin into it.
Tyler is ugly.
If you are called Tyler, change your name.