You Jokes

I hope you SEA me around later, 'cause I SHORE won't stay here for long.

If someone says nobody asked, you could say, "Well, nobody asked for you to talk!"

You're so short, Aiden looked tall.

If you’re American when you go in the bathroom...

... and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?

European.

How do you get an emo kid out of a tree? Cut the rope.

"Water exists."

Airport security: "What the fuck did you just say?"

What do you call a Gary Dinosaur?

A mega-sore-ass.

If you're born deaf, what language would you think in?

A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.

The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.

The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”

Hey, you know what I told the kid in a wheelchair?

I told him to be a stand-up comedian!

What do you call Joyce when she's running from the Russians?

Winona Hider.

True fact: School shooters aren’t dangerous to you if you're the school shooter.

Yep, if someone says to you, "I can't roast trash," say, "Well, some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother!"

How do you scare a lot of people in New York?

Open a mobile hotspot named "Delta Inflight Wifi."

Have you heard of Wendy's?

Yea, Wendy's nuts in you mouth.

Why did your daddy not come back with the milk?

Because you have no dad because your dad never loved you.

What do you say to an emo's wrist?...

"I like ur cut G."

I wanna tell you a scary math joke, but I'm too squared to tell you.

A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.

"What are you doing all day?"

"Knot a lot."

Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil? It's pointless.