You jokes

Girl: I’m so in love with you!

Boy: Me too. I think you’re abcdefghijk: aesthetic, beautiful, cool, determined, elegant, famous, hot.

Girl: What’s the ijk?

Boy: I’m just kidding.

What do you call an Asian who gets a B?

It's not a B-sian.

Dead.

Her: "Land of the free".

Me: *fat*

Her: What do you mean?

Me: It's not fat-free.

How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.

What did the full glass say to the empty glass? "You look drunk!"

"You may not rest, there are monsters nearby."

-Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

"If you want to win swiftly, camp the enemies' spawn."

- Sun Tzu

One like and whatever you say in the comments I'll do, but one rule: it can only be 2-4 hours in or out of Gloucestershire and South Gloucestershire.

You're so poor you put paper cutlery in the dishwasher.

Yo, so poor that you wash your paper plates and cutlery in a kids' dishwasher.

You went to the bed store asking for a water bed. They put a pillow and sheets on the ocean.

Your forehead is so big when you walk by I can't see what's in front of me.

You are so adopted that you don't have a home button on Google Maps.

What is a joke that will never end even though you want it to?

For me, life.

What can’t a person with no arms do: if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.

What do you call a group of emos about to jump off a bridge? Suicide Squad.

You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 50 years, made this salad?

How do you find someone's hairline? It's simple, you don't.

Me: Hi Jacob!

Jacob: Hi.

Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!

Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH

If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.