You jokes
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dino-snore!
How do you cover 12 holes with one hole?
Take a flute and shove it up your ass.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm stroking my dick and thinking of you.
I make elevating music; you make elevator music.
Why can’t you run in a campground?
Because it’s past tents.
Do you know what the equivalent to hell is these days?
1. Listening to your teacher.
2. Not having your phone/game/TV.
3. Not having nicotine.
What do you call a movie with kids with cancer? ... Finding Chemo.
Rodd Flanders: What's "gay" mean?
Bart: Uh, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.
Rodd says to his dad Ned: I'm gay, Daddy.
You're so ugly Bob the Builder cat can fix you.
What do you call an abo with a shotgun?
Sir.
When you see a group of pornstars sitting together looking up with their mouths open, that's when you know that Mama bird is back at the nest to feed the baby birds some worms.
Where do you buy a dishwasher?
Hot singles in your area.
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
Have you heard about the kidnapping at the goat farm?
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
You can keep the tip.
I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.
Dad: Son, you're adopted.
Son: Oh wow, I wonder who my real parents are.
Dad: We are your real parents. Your adopted parents are coming to pick you up.
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.
They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said, "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today, so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."
The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
The Angel thanked Dolly and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth, the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever, and flushed it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."
Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations, and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode, and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?"
"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."
Tell your adopted kid you want to take them back home and tell them their original parents want them, and get them all excited, then take them to the orphanage and tell them their parents died.