You jokes
You soak balls, get it?
What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?
Fur Traders.
What do you call a black person with a gun? Black ops.
My friend: Wanna hear a joke?
Me: No.
Friend: Why?
Me: Because you are a joke.
Friend: Your life is too...
Me: :)
Friends :)
I still remember the third of December, me in your sweater. You said it looked better on me than it did you. Only if you knew how much I liked you. But I watch your eyes as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes, Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were Heather. Watch as she stands with her, holding your hand. Put your arm 'round her shoulder, now I'm getting colder. But how could I hate her, she's such an angel. But then again, kinda wish she were dead as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes. Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. I wish I were Heather. Oh, I wish I were Heather. Oh, oh, wish I were Heather. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were-
What is the difference between a cow and 9/11?
You can’t milk a cow for 15 years.
You might think that tigers or lions are the best jumpers, but in my opinion, it's emos, because some of them are still in the air.
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.
😥This is offensive, sorry: What did the king say to his royal steed? "You gonna start the dishwasher or what?"
Good that you got detention because you said that to me; you should've gone to jail.
Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?
Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?
I nailed my sister's... picture on the wall.
You dirty-minded bastard!
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
What do you call a Chinese rich man? Cha-ching!
What do you call a Christian Asian?
Hao Li.
Because all I do is pound it, man, I would put you on my 600 lb life if you didn't weigh a thousand.
Gwen is a liar. She said she is a Christian and then is saying bad, bad, bad, bad words. Shame on you, Gwen, LIAR!
What do you do with a dog that has no legs?
Take him for a drag.
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.
Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.
Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.
Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?
Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.
Police: ... Child: 😊
Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*