You jokes

Friends are like penguins: if you stab them, they die. 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

What do you call a nine year old with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint the wall?

A: Depends how hard you throw them.

You're so ugly you scared the crap out of the toilet!

Whenever you wanna roast an orphan, say "yo mamma".

What do you call a nervous Jedi?

Panakin.

What do you call an Indian with a wooden leg? Shit on a stick.

What do you call an Indian with two wooden legs? A waste of lumber.

If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put him in the microwave until his bill Withers.

Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"

If you humped a whale, it would humpback.

What do you call a male cow who’s taking a nap?

A bull dozer.

Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?

Good thing it was a "soft" drink!

How do you get a baby into a small bowl?

A blender.

How do you get it out? Tostito chips.

What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.

Remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.

Q: What season can an orphan see their family tree?

A: Fall.

If you don't get it, in the fall trees have no leaves, there [are] just empty branches, like an orphan's tree.

What do you call sad coffee... deppresso!

What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?

At least you don’t die when you shower.

One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"