You jokes

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who dresses like a merman? Posiedown.

Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.

Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.

"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"

"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."

When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.

The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.

After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."

"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"

What do you call a blind and illiterate military leader?

Winston Churchill.

Her: "Land of the free".

Me: *fat*

Her: What do you mean?

Me: It's not fat-free.

The next time I knock on your door, I'll hit you instead of the door.

How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.

"It's not a war crime if you win the war."

- Sun Tzu, The Art of War

"You may not rest, there are monsters nearby."

-Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

You're so poor you put paper cutlery in the dishwasher.

Did you ever see any white men drowning in the Atlantic Ocean?

Yeah, it went on and on.

One like and whatever you say in the comments I'll do, but one rule: it can only be 2-4 hours in or out of Gloucestershire and South Gloucestershire.

Your forehead is so big when you walk by I can't see what's in front of me.

What is a joke that will never end even though you want it to?

For me, life.

Your mum is so fat that when you walk around her, you get lost.

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair?

TIMMAHHHH!

What do you call an orphan family photo?

A selfie.

Jesus was drinking when he made you.

There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be a jaeger, will you be my kaiju?

What do you call a girl furry?

A pussy cat.