You Jokes

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."

Are you a grave, 'cause I want you on me?

I seriously don't get why people in Alabama are angered that Mexican immigrants are taking their jobs. I mean, it's not like they are preventing your son from giving you a big, fat blow job.

What do you call a piece of tech that acts emo?

Cutting-edge Technology.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't know why I am still alive for you.

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A meme with two parts. The upper part is a dialogue between a kid and a mother about dark humor. The mother tells her kid to tell a man without arms to clap. The kid responds he's blind, and the mother says, "Exactly." The bottom part shows a man in a sports uniform being interviewed in front of a football field at night. The text on the image says, "They had us in the first half, not gonna lie."

Welcome to Dave's Orphanage. "You make it, we take it."

What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.

Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.

To everyone saying, "Don't joke about suicide, it's not even funny to laugh about people dying." Do you think we have it easy? Have you ever thought these jokes were helping us to cope? Mind your own business and don't make assumptions on people you know nothing about, please and thanks.

Teacher: Johnny, can you use a sentence with "definitely" in it?

Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them?

Teacher: Of course not, Johnny.

Little Johnny: Then I’ve definitely shat myself.

What do you call it when a midget waves at you?

A microwave.

When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.

Knock knock. Who's there? 9/11. 9/11 who? You said you would never forget.

What's the difference between a mosquito and a pornstar? One stops sucking when you smack it.

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.

What do you call an ice skating dwarf?

A midget spinner.

Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"

Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"

Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"

Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"

Crush: "How much do you love me?"

Me: "Well, look at the stars outside."

Crush: "But it's morning."

Me: "Exactly."

How do you get Wacko Jacko to screw a lightbulb?

Tell Jacko that the bulb is a 6-year-old boy.

There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."