Someone: When you suffer from depression and someone tells you to cheer up.
Me: My, what a great idea! Why didn't I think of that? ;)
You Jokes
Why can't you kill a depressed person?
Because they are already dead inside.
Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?
Mike said: I don’t know, what?
Jon said: Kinder surprise.
Me: Your ugly...
Person: I'm not your mirror...
Me: I never told you to be my mirror :p
Q) What do you call Iron Man when he can't swim?
A) Robert Drowney Jr.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
What do you call a depressed a cappella group?
Self-Harmony.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.
What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.
How do you name a disabled Asian?
Throw the wheelchair down the stairs.
I nailed my sister's... picture on the wall.
You dirty-minded bastard!
I wasn’t understanding what I had to do for homework, so my teacher said, “Let me break it down for you like the Twin Towers.”
A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.
“Super Power Beer,” he says.
“Oh, yeah? I doubt it?”
Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, and lands with no damage whatsoever. He walks back into the bar.
“Amazing!” the man says. “Let me have some!” The man grabs the beer. He drinks it, jumps off the roof — and falls 15 stories to the ground.
Splat.
The barman says. “You know, you’re a real idiot when you’re drunk, Superman.”
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?
Eileen.
What's the hardest part of riding a scooter?
Telling your parents you are gay.
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"
"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."
The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"
The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."
"What about the boy?" the woman asked.
The doctor said, "Denephew."
Oh, my fat joke offended you? Which one of your chins did I hurt?
