You jokes

A grasshopper jumps into a bar.

The bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you."

The grasshopper says, "Seriously? Why would you name a drink Callum?"

What do you call a cleaning skeleton?

The Grim Sweeper.

Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate?

I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.

So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."

My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.

How do you get an emo kid to jump?

A bridge.

Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."

Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"

If you want to get mental damage, visit the site:

https://schlechtewitze.com

"You look like you've lost some weight."

"Really? Well, whatever weight I lost, you found it, pal!"

What do you do when you finish a magazine at school? Put another one in and continue!

What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?

A DEPPression.

(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).

If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.

What do you call a passport for Mandalorians?

A Pre Visa!

Me: I look up to you.

Friend: Wow, thanks!

Me: But in general cuz your so tall.

Girls are like volcanoes.

You never know when they will erupt.

Sir, I mustache you a question...

Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.

What does it mean if you can remember a girl's eye color?

She had small tits.

What do you call a white girl with a yeast infection? A cracker with cheese.

Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.

what do you call a flat road named after George Floyd?

Flat neck road.