You jokes

You are what happens when women drink during pregnancy.

Teacher: If you keep talking over me, I'll call your parents!

Orphan: You will?

What do you do when you finish a magazine at school? Put another one in and continue!

What do you call a passport for Mandalorians?

A Pre Visa!

If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.

What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?

A DEPPression.

(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).

What do you call a midget psychic that has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

What do you call a black person eating chicken, watermelon, and drinking Kool-Aid?

Reality.

What’s the difference between Disney+ and P*rnhub?

Disney+ wants you to hate your stepmother.

What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?

A hoedown.

What do you call two gay Irishmen?

Patrick Fitz Gerald, and Gerald Fitz Patrick.

you play gatcha life more like go get a life.

My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.

Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.

There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”

What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?

A human chandelier.

Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.

Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.

What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?

Lesbionage.

Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

How do you get away with rape and incest in California?

Say you identify as a woman. Fact: It's actually legal to rape your daughter if you are a woman in California.