You jokes

They're teaching my 1st grader pronouns! Today it was he/she/they. Tomorrow, you/are/is!

You must be the square root of -1, because you can't be real.

Your momma so slutty, she got banned from Heavy-R.

When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'

When someone asks you why you went bald, say it wasn't a choice. It just happened.

What do you call it when the Edmonton Oilers play against the Nashville Predators? A Diddy Bowl.

What do you call a cold Explain bear?

A brrr.

Do you ever look at someone and think, "You must have been conceived at a family reunion"?

Roses are red, violets are blue.

My heart is dead.

I’m such a fool.

Why did I fall for you?

My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"

Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."

You know how 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9?

Well, how do you think 10 feels being in the middle of 9 11?

Lenin was on his deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side.

Lenin says: "What are you going to do after I die? They might not follow you."

Stalin responds: "Then they'll follow you."

Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Knock knock who? I'll knock knock you out if you don't stop.

Have you ever stepped into Steven Hawking's House?

Neither has he.

Hey babe, I’m looking to get 23 years in 23 seconds, can you help?

What did one wall say to the other wall?

Meet you at the corner!

What do you call a fish that can use a katana?

A salmon-rai.

What did the water say to the water? "Water" you doing?

What do you call a goldfish that got third place? A bronze fish.

Q: What’s the difference between a sleeping lady and an onion?

A: One doesn’t scream when you try to chop it up.