You jokes

What do you call Scooby Doo with a blunt in his mouth? Scooby Dooby.

What do you call a dipshit?

A Charlie.

How do you win an argument against an emo kid?

Kick the chair out from under them.

Mom: “Guess where I’m taking you, son!”

Son: “To the playground?”

Mom: “No, to the morgue.”

I'm jealous of the people who never met you.

Have you met Bofa?

Bofa deez blind kids!

Your skin's so bright you could be used as a highlighter.

What can you say about planes that you can say about stocks?

They both be flying??

Rodd Flanders: What's "gay" mean?

Bart: Uh, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.

Rodd says to his dad Ned: I'm gay, Daddy.

I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...

Because you already look ugly.

I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.

"Bugger off!" he shouted back.

"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”

“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”

What animal howls at the moon and eats cement?

If you guessed wolf, you're right! I threw in the cement to make it hard.

What do you call a cow who's personality is down to Earth?

Ground beef.

Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?

"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."

I'll tell you a good joke. Stephen Hawking went for a walk.

Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?

Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.

Life's a bitch, and then you die. I now see what they mean.

What do you get when you cross a pig with a cactus? A porkupine!

When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time... and walk past.