Why did your mom cross the road?
You were on the same side as her, and she wanted to get as far away from you as possible.
You Jokes
Your forehead is so leaned back you can see the dinosaurs.
Q: What do you call a dog that stepped in its own shit?
A: I don't know.
Your hairline pushed back lookin' like you got slapped up by Will Smith.
Did you hear that oxygen and magnesium hooked up last night?
OMg!
What do you call someone who’s afraid of breaststroke? Chicken breast.
What do you call Panera bread when it’s on top of someone?
Panera head.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Walnut. Walnut who? I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
You are like my girlfriend: imaginary and non-existent.
My grandfather is a great fisherman, especially at baiting a rod.
I guess you could call him the Master Baiter.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Terrier.
Terrier who?
Your Halloween decorations are terri-fying!
When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)
Do you know the teacher that went up into space?
You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."
Mom, start eating, or else you will get fatter!
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
You pecan do it!
Do you like my a-corn-y jokes?
My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.
My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"
I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"