You jokes

Do you ever look at someone and think, "You must have been conceived at a family reunion"?

Your momma so slutty, she got banned from Heavy-R.

If you guys wanted to see a joke, just look in the mirror.

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.

"Say what you want about the deaf."

I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'

What do you call a Japanese car thief?

Tommy took a motor.

What do you call a cow that wasn't meant to be born? A mi-steak!

An Abo walks into a pub with a seagull on his shoulder. The barman asks, "Where did you find that?" The seagull replied, "At the tip, mate, there are lots there."

How do you call a Chinese emo? Han ing. (Hanging)

POV: You keep having auditory hallucinations and fully believe your house is haunted because you never went and got diagnosed for schizophrenia.

Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

Two ropes meet. They ask each other, "Why are you wearing a hijab?" The other replies, "I want to go into the water now."

What do you call a guy with no body and nose?

No body nose

What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire? Hot Wheels.

What's a saying you shouldn't tell an epileptic?

Seize your moment.

My respect for you didn't just go through the roof, it touched the fucking sun!

They're teaching my 1st grader pronouns! Today it was he/she/they. Tomorrow, you/are/is!

You must be the square root of -1, because you can't be real.

When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'