You jokes
Did you hear that oxygen and magnesium hooked up last night?
OMg!
What do you call someone who’s afraid of breaststroke? Chicken breast.
What do you call Panera bread when it’s on top of someone?
Panera head.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Walnut. Walnut who? I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
You are like my girlfriend: imaginary and non-existent.
Memes
My grandfather is a great fisherman, especially at baiting a rod.
I guess you could call him the Master Baiter.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Terrier.
Terrier who?
Your Halloween decorations are terri-fying!
When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)
Do you know the teacher that went up into space?
You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."
Mom, start eating, or else you will get fatter!
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
You pecan do it!
Do you like my a-corn-y jokes?
My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.
My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"
I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? I butter not tell you.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
You must be rich! You've got all the cashews.
Why would you shoot up an innocent school... if your aimbot's dead and you can't commit headshots only?