You jokes
If you read this, you lost your v card.
If you read this, you are gay.
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
Why did you go depressed?
Because you’re you.
Boyfriend: Let's go to bed.
Girlfriend: No.
Boyfriend: Why?
Girlfriend: Because you want sex.
Boyfriend: No, I don't.
NEXT MINUTE
The man could hear banging.
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
The suicide squad.
The depressed kid getting bullied.
The bully: "You are useless."
The depressed kid: "I know."
What's the difference between a porn star and a mosquito?
One stops sucking when you smack it.
Why do you let your dads sleep so they don't get grumpy and eat your dinner?
What do you call an orphan's selfie?
A family portrait.
Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.
Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?
Son: A ugly girl.
Dad: Why not a pretty girl?
Son: A pretty one might run away.
Dad: So an ugly one might too.
Son: Yeah, but who cares?
Why should you not let an orphan play baseball?
They don’t know where home is. 😢
Do you guys know how to make a hoe in Minecraft?
You pick it up off the street.
My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!
No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
Take a water bottle, shake it, you got piss.
What do you say to make a redhead mad?
Anything.
What is the difference between a redhead and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist!